2018 I think went well. 2019 is going to be the year of stretching. Physically. Like with an app to try and get more limber. And mentally, to do more hard things. Also the year of making more, spending less. And maybe losing 10 pounds. It’s going to be about Player Select and Cybergarbage through and through. And me. Lots of me. And stretching.

Insecure – Will they? I wont next season.

Orphan Black – Fitting close, love my sisters.

Bojack Horseman – I’m biased, favorite show, great season, fuck dementia.

The Duece – What was this again? Skip.

Suits – Royal family takes cute girl off show. Zzzz

The Defiant Ones – Could have been three episodes, still fine.

Rick and Morty – I hate that this show is so popular now.

Episodes – The best hidden comedy of the last 5 years, bye!

DICE – AYYYY DICE MAN MAKE SHOW FUNNY SOMETIMES.

Big Mouth – Netflix is doing animated dicks now? cool.

American Vandal – Great satire yet over hyped.

Room 104 – I filmed next door to them and took their crafty.

Mindhunter – Not for me even tho I wanted it to be.

Transparent – Would have been stronger as a 2 season and done

Five foot two – Gaga docu pretty meh

Top of the Lake (Chinatown) – Bring something back and make it worse eh?

Ray Donovan – SHE IS DEAD WHY DID WE SEE SO MUCH OF HER

Better Things – I’m not a mom but my heart bleeds for this show

Curb your Enthusiasm – Happy it’s back but didn’t rock my world

Mr Robot – How is this on USA?

Top 5 Shows of 2017:
5. Rick and Morty
4. Better Call Saul
3. Bojack Horseman
2. Mr Robot
1. Big Little Lies

Best game? Mario Odyseey / Breath of the Wild
Best album? Lorde’s Melodrama

Best parts of the latter half of 2017? We put two shows on TV. They were well received? We’re going to do more of them (maybe/hopefully?) We still have jobs and get to play and create in-front of an awesome community that supports us. Still crazy to think about what I got to accomplish this year; between graduating, moving out, the attack at the very least. I’ve got to go on trips (Seattle, big bear, vegas) with my friends and foster the UCLA dota team. Hell I even got to get a new car in there somewhere.

When I look back on it all, it almost seems like a blur. I kept a small journal that I wrote almost every day down into as a quick reminder to appreciate what’s happening and be able to remember some of the finer points, because really it was too much to take in. I’m not even getting close to summing up the finer points here because the big picture is just so, overwhelming. Next year we work on expansion and getting that bottom line up up up. Let’s get it fam.

Big little lies – Would have been #1 if both Fargo and Saul weren’t so good (sorry to bury that lead). Love that it’s a self contained mini-series with real character development and attachment to each of the girl’s stories. I love the houses, the cast, the pettiness, and everything about the show just had me hooked. I didn’t know who the killer was and the reveal was super strong. Would recommend this to almost anyone.
Crashing – I had to go back and think “what was crashing?!” so that’s not a great sign. I was interested in it for Artie. It made me laugh a few times. Probably wont go back fell a little flat.
Girls – I love Girls. It makes me smile. I came into being an adult watching these characters come into being adults. It’s been a fun ride and I am sad that it’s over. I wish Hannah didn’t keep the baby. I’m happy for Sosh.
Animals – My favorite witty animated show that is not Rick and Morty. Watch it.
Silicon Valley – It will never be as good as season 1, but it’s still okay.
House of Cards – Show continues to plateau at a level just south of good. Sticking with it out of some obligation to the story, but it’s quite frustrating at this point.
Grace and Frankie – Makes me smile. Admittedly less interested in this season and did a few things while watching the show.
13 Reasons – While this one has its flaws (why does everyone 16 have all these tattoos, why is everyone’s parents so incompetent) I could talk at length about 13 reasons with other people who watched it. Not sure why it needs a season 2, but okay why not lets give it a shot.
Dear White People – Didn’t think I was going to like it, saw they filmed at UCLA and got my interested perked a little, ended up binge it. It helped that it was short, loved the different perspectives, not as preachy as one would assume, even tho I already agree with the message.
Glow – Thought this was going to be a throwaway, but was wrong. Turned into a full day binge. Sure part of it is because I like wrestling, and 30m episodes helped a ton in making this a quick watch, but it just had a cool happy story.
Orange is the new black – I hated this season a lot less than I have hated all the other ones. Maybe the riot was something that I actually needed to shake the show up. I’m sure next season (or two) will still be garbage and I don’t know why I am going to still watch it.
Homeland – Straight up revival of the show. Good modern story to tie into Trump-land. Carrie being Carrie, Saul being Saul, Dar being Dar. Quin tho, oh boy. A+ would recommend.
Catastrophe – It’s short and it will make you laugh but don’t bother if you haven’t already.
Handmaids Tail – The one show this cycle I thought I was going to get into but then really could not get any traction with. For whatever reason it just would not stick dispite people telling me how awesome it was.
Suits – Why do I watch this show still?
Fargo – Season 3 was the weakest of the three for me. Took me a while to actually get into it, real slow burn. Feel like I still have a lot of unresolved ends, albeit I am very okay with the Pavlov ending. I’m being hyper-critical because I love Fargo so much. I still love this season and would tell you to watch it.
Saul – Best season of this show, easily. Bringing it closer to BrBa times and roping in more of the same characters really makes this show spark in my brain. Story was crisp, ending was tragic, and you really more than ever get to see the BrBa backstory that the show promised us. So damn awesome.
Samurai Jack – I never watched the old Jack seasons. I came into this cold, and it still really worked. So beautiful and romantic.
Archer – Sticking with this show because of it’s strong history, but this season was weaker than Vice. Easily my least favorite one.
Bobs Burgers – They found the formula and could just make this show forever now, and I’m sure they intend to. Love live H Jon.

For anyone keeping track that’s: 5 HBO // 6 Netflix // 1 Showtime // 2 Online-not-netflix // 6 Cable — I knew there was a reason I bought that Netflix stock.
Top 3: Saul > Big Little Lies > Fargo

Summer shows that I’m looking forward to – Orphan Black / Queen Sugar / Suits / Insecure / Room 105 / Ray Donovan / Episodes / Whatever is new and has an 80+ on metacritc

So what about the non TV shit? Well I graduated UCLA a few weeks ago. Was crazy, not as emotional as I thought, but just bitter sweet. Since I have already been working full time and not taking classes all year it was not a strong transition, but I know that I am going to miss the place. I will miss all the learning, and all the luxuries that just living on a college campus afford you. I think my real struggle is knowing that this part of my life is over now and I have to go be “an adult.” I just want to hang out on campus and meet new people and saunter through my day. I still find myself going back to campus just to sit on the grass and collect my thoughts, because it has turned into a comfortable place for me.

Oh also The Attack is going to be on Disney XD. It’s our big shot and I am ready to throw my body to the wolves to make it work. We are all putting in the work and we are going to make it phenomenal, and hope for the best outcome. The hard work will pay off, I believe in the team and what we’re doing and am so excited to be a producer on a real TV show. Who would have thought that at this time last year that this is where we would be at. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see how it goes, surely the next blog will elaborate. We record our first Ep in 3 days. Wew.

But to not stray too far away from what I wanted to do here, or what my little corner of the internet has devolved into, Fall 2016 TV wrap up and best of 2016 arbitrary lists.

One Mississippi – I like Tig, and I love how dry the show was. I feel like I need to be very particular who I recommend this to because it is definitely not a show for everyone, but for the right people I know that this could very well be love.
Fleabag - It seems like Amazon TV’s strategy is just “take good BBC shows” and really, I’m okay with getting the best of Channel 4 free online. Fleabag wasn’t my favorite thing I watched, but it was short and has a strong point and great character acting.
Transparent – Season 3 delivered. Show keeps continuing to be strong as the focus shifts over to the rest of the family. Easily Amazon’s best show, who knows why they keep pushing Man in the High Castle.
Easy - A Netflix anthology about relationships. Some of them are good, most of them are okay, some of them are just bad. Great to see the crazy diverse cast, but I could only recommend a few of these episodes to people.
Atlanta - When I started not liking Atlanta I sat down with myself and had to ask “Hey do I not like this because I’m just a racist?” No. No I am not, I really just could not get into the show.
High Maintenance – Painfully “meh” nothing to see here.
Black Mirror – Okay fam, I love black mirror. I always have, I probably always will. Even the episodes that people don’t enjoy as much, I still love. I want to share this show with everyone, but I have learned that it is indeed not for everyone. My mother’s reflection after Watching Nosedive was “Well, that sucks.” and San Junipero “Well, that’s sad.” If you like analyzing your media or you like sci fi or you like refreshing short sorties, and you haven’t seen this show, please.
Quarry - I wanted to like Quarry. Cinemax show, gritty, violent, influence from Banshee, new story about Vietnam PTSD. But I could not get into it. Characters and environment on whole fell a little flat. Story was sub par.
Better Things – I know nothing about being a single mom. I know nothing about being a teenage girl. I know nothing about an all female progressive household. I know that I really enjoyed this show. It’s my personal favorite of the “Louie” style of shows and I think FX hit it out of the park here.
Insecure - I cared about the characters. That’s more than I can say about most shows. Get your shit together Issa.
Queen Sugar – Together with Insecure is probably how I helped reconcile the fact that I didn’t just dislike Atlanta because I’m some kind of a bigot. Probably one of the best new IP’s of the year, and the fact that it’s on OWN, well, good for them.
Planet Earth – I watched this for the pretty things.
West World - Could likely do a whole tirade on WW. I hated it, then I loved it, and that love came with time. I don’t care about the park as much as I care about the people behind the park. The clues for the reveals were smart, and I’m happy I caught most of them and made the decision to not look at the subreddit during the show. They got me, and while I think a lot of people are just fake fans caught up in the hype and HBO’s marketing, I really do appropriate the show.
Rectify - Some people have said that the series finale season was the worst of the 4. I would have to disagree, as we really get to delve deeper into the psyche of these characters we have grown to love. One of the most touching dramas of the last 4-5 years, a show that is powerful and raw and will likely not be recreated anytime soon. It’s not a lot, so if you have missed it I would highly suggest putting it on your list.
Shameless - Having ZP be Neil is such a treat. Having Fiona winning is great. Everyone maturing at a crazy pace, and you almost have hope for the family. I know that I just love Emmy, but this show will always be a favorite of mine until the end.

Normally I recommend stuff I’m watching next season here. But I’m not quite sure what’s premiering in the next few months. We’re in a bit of a lull it seems. But how about instead best of 2016? That’s what all the cool kids do right? I’m cool? Right?

Comic: Hot Dog Taste Test
Movie: Zootopia
Tech: Google Pixel
Artist: Alessia Cara
Games: 3. Firewatch 2. Uncharted 4 1. Dark Souls 3
TV: 5. Westworld 4. Mr Robot 3. Black Mirror 2. Rectify 1. Bojack Horseman

Good shit. Here’s to a crazy 17.

Everything I watched over the last Season-ish:

Grace and Frankie – One of my favorite Netflix shows, one of the few Comedies that makes me actually laugh.
Modern Family – Wow the new season just started yesterday and I’m listing this as something from “last season” yeesh.
Bobs Burgers – See above, I’m a sucker for these shows move along.
Banshee – Wrapped up in Spring and I think that the 4th season may have been the weakest. I still loved it regardless and am very sad to see it go, as it will go down as one of my top 10 shows of all time.
Lady Dynamite – We don’t need more Louie shows, and this one didn’t do it for me.
Catastrophe – BBC shows on Amazon Prime are a gift, and this one makes me giggle. Worth checking out if you’ve never seen it.
Archer – That cliff hanger tho. Falling behind Rick and Morty and Bojack for me on a list of “Favorite Animated Shows.”
Bo Burnham‘s new special which the name of I am blanking on at this moment – You should watch it. Thanks netflix.
Orphan Black – Doesn’t matter because Tat got her Emmy last week so all is right in the world.
Bloodline – I couldn’t watch season 2. So so so bad compared to season 1 I don’t even know how it’s the same show.
Silicon Valley – I remember when this show was clever and funny. Thanks for making it less good now HBO.
Orange is the New Black – Why do I watch this if I never really love it? It’s just an okay time killer for me. Decent season because there is less piper.
Narcos – Great, but I feel like it could have been 2-3 episodes shorter and been much better. Love that they went through with the arc of Pablo’s story. A lot of hiding, season 1 was probably better all around.
Roadies – Showtime really does suck now. It’s a shame. Couldn’t get past the third episode.
The Night Of - SO much promise with the pilot. Even the next two episodes had me hooked. It was pretty disappointing to watch it go down hill, but still one of the best shows from the last TV cycle.
Bojack Horseman – Hands down my favorite show of the Summer. Quite possibly my show of the year at this rate. They keep managing to make this thing better and better. Such a fucking gem.
Suits - Man I hate Rachael. And even Mike. And kinda everyone. Suits was like the transition between Burn Notice and Mr Robot in USA’s quest to get better at TV, but it’s just so bad now.
Ray Donovan – Probably the weakest season yet, even with Ray having much more of an arc. I keep watching because I want to ride the story out at this point.
Vice Principals – I watched it because it was quick and easy. Didn’t do much for me at all.
Mr Robot - Absolutely masterful. Some people complain that it is not as good as season 1, and I think I disagree. I think 2 is better, and Dom just really drives me insane.
Ballers – Dwayne “Meh” Johnson.

Well that was quick and dirty. And a lot of TV. Hopefully if ya read that ya found something new ya might wanna watch? Currently I’m watching Queen Sugar, Better Things, Quarry, One Mississippi, Fleabag, Transparent, and Easy. Shameless, Black Mirror, and Rectify are coming back next month, and I’m sure a few more things will sneak into that rotation too.

<3

Dark Souls III – A game I fucking loved. I never played any of the other games from FromSoftware before this, even tho I have been recommended to play all of them. I watched some people play DS1 and thought to myself that I had to play three just to see what it is about. A lot of people complain that its too hard or frustrating. I experienced that at first. However the growth process of getting better at a thing was so rewarding for me. Its hard to find a challenging game, and I was not into dark souls for the challenge. The challenge accompanied the story, it accompanied and parallel personal growth. I think the mechanic was a beautiful explanation of why this game is such a cult hit with people. I wish I had the time to play it over again, but really I am not the person to play a game twice, I don’t have the time for that. Maybe I’ll go back and play DS1 now.

Work?!? – So I officially signed up with Attack Media this week. We are doing 2 shows with LionsGate and CCHQ which allowed us to move out studios and really expand the project I love, The Attack, a 3 time a week live Twitch verity show in the style of Attack of the Show. Moreso in just name, because I am working under Kevin Periera now, which is still just a mind blowing thing that I don’t think 13 year old me could properly comprehend. I love the people I work with and I can see so much room for personal growth through learning things from them all. Being in the new studio and getting my hands on everything is just great, I am becoming better at some many things and the positive affirmation is still throwing me for a loop. I am going to work hard to push forth things that I want to create on the network, while growing what we already have to be some of the most groundbreaking content in Twitch history. I could not be more hyped. At all.

BUT JOEY I JUST WANNA HEAR THE TV STUFF. Fine. Here’s what I watched:

House of Cards – Yeah it’s still fun and has some solid writing. However I can’t help but be less interested now. The Robin Wright character still makes me so angry, and I just liked the story pre-president as opposed to post. It’s still a must watch thing, but moreso because I feel involved and want to see it through than I do because I care so much about it.

Suits – More “Welp I just need to finish this shit” territory. On no Mikes in jail whatever will we do. Who cares.

Mythbusters – Now this is something I have seen every episode for, and I am just sad to see it go. When it ended for the last time I kinda got a little choked up. It is one of the few constants in my life over the last 10 years, so to just have it yanked away is a change that I am not comfortable with. The format for the last two seasons I liked, even if they did cut the secondary build team out. I feel like they did teach me a lot about science and critical thinking, as corny and passe as that is.

Shameless – I love Emmy Rossum. I’ll keep watching the show for her. I don’t know if I love the writers for making me hate Debbie now, or hate them for it. More Frank is a good thing, and Lips downfall is interesting. I’m attached to the show and feel like this season was stronger than the two before it.

Billions – I don’t know why I did not have the balls to just stop watching the show. Maybe I thought it was going to get better. I didn’t really enjoy it from week 1, and it did not get much better for me from there. I think I can safely say that I can drop this, and it is just another poor attempt from Showtime. What happened Sho I used to love everything ya did.

Girls – Best season in a few. Don’t know how I feel about the ending still, but I got to see evolution from everyone and feel like the interplay and growing up of the gals were just really on point. One of my favorite shows for a reason, and the Japan episodes were so yummy.

Better Call Saul – Season 2 was a letdown for me. Season 1 I was so excited for every Monday night to roll around to watch a new episode. Season 2 I went days before actually tuning in to see what was going on. Maybe as we see Jimmy slip a little more next season I will have elevated interests, but season 2 just spun a lot of wheels for me. Disappointing for sure.

Dice – Funny and easily digestible. What more could I really ask for? AYYYYY I recommend.

Animals – My favorite thing by far this season. Animated, non linear characters, no mouth animation and low budget but who cares! The writing is some of the funniest I have seen since Rick and Morty and I was just so happy for all of it. I don’t want to spoil, but if there is one thing that I would recommend it would be this show.

What I’m watching now:

W – Modern Family
R – Archer
F – Banshee / Orphan Black
Sun – Bobs Burgers / Silicon Valley

Grace and Frankie + Catastrophe on demand.

<3

I think a lot of the stress comes from spreading myself too thin. I feel like it is a chore to keep up the level of relationships that I do, while trying to get A’s and make friends at school and be involved with clubs and play games. Shit it feels like playing games is even a chore at this point, looking at my list right now (which for those of you who are visual is a 8.5 x 11 piece of printer paper with a bunch of black ink scribbles on it, and some occasional pink highlighter) I have “Play Legacy of the Void” written on it. I have to seemingly schedule when to play games, or play games to practice for competitive collegiate gaming. When did games because a chore? In addition to that I really feel the level of inadequate coming to UCLA as a transfer and not making enough friends here. I feel that while I grow my online presence in the dota community, I am not growing my presence on campus. There are no girls that I want to ask out, there are no friends who I want to get to know better. There is just me walking around from point A to B with the Howard Stern show to drown out the background noise.

Wanting to be accepted is universal. At least I feel that it is. But I really feel the need to bend over backwards to help people. Some of my friends tell me to stop but it just feels like second nature. I don’t know where I was going with this point, maybe I’ll just leave it at that.

With grandpa dying I feel a real pain in my heart that’s just adding this external layer of stress onto me as I find myself the family therapist for everyone attempting to smooth over relations. Maybe I missed my calling as a mediator or therapist and really went to school for the wrong reasons. Today I spent three hours on the phone with my grandmother, who is my favorite person on earth, just sitting there talking trying to make her feel better. I think I did a damn good job at that, but having to prioritize family first means that school and other professional activities are just falling further behind. I feel selfish thinking that I would rather be working non stop in a bubble to further myself.

So, what do I do different in 2016 that makes a change for myself? I wrote down some goals that I want to accomplish, and I think that I can do all of them. The real question is if I can break out of this slump that I have been in for entirely too long now and actually get results. I think that this blog is a step in the correct direction in terms of this. On my list of things that I want to do, in no particular order this year:

Communicate via text message more clearly with my friends.
Be the one to make plans with people regardless of existing friendship status
Admit being the one at fault more often
Stream all the games I play
5k MMR
10k YouTube Subs
Not eat lunch alone so much
Stick to my diet and gym plan (how basic)
Write a nightly little recap of events for myself
Build a self evaluation loop

See look at how much shit that is. To me it feels like nothing and like I will accomplish it all, but because I am not necessary doing things in easy to handle bite sized chunks it just creates this overwhelming mass of stress.

I feel good about things to come. I know that if I stay organized I can knock things out and not get back into this semi-depressed slump. I’ll be fine, but I hope that I haven’t already lost too much time.

Transparent:
The flagship show in Amazon’s latest attempt to be Netflix. I really liked season one for the character development and seeing the transition of how the family reacts to dad becoming trans. Season 2 focuses less on that transition, pardon the pun, and more on what feels like B plots. I can see why they want to keep this train moving, the writing is still sharp and I still am very interested in the characters, but the original story is just not anywhere near as gripping, and season two feels much less intriguing to me.

Master of None:
A metacritic darling and something that a lot of friends recommended to me, but I ended up only watching half of it, painfully, and stopping. I simply didn’t find it funny, as the humor really did not hit home with me. I feel biased against it since the start since I was never a big Aziz fan, but I figured to give it the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately it didn’t do anything special for me.

Fargo:
The single best show of 2015, hands down, no questions asked. Even with my extreme loathing for the ending, I still put it as a piece of work on while as the best show from last year. If nothing else the cinematography is beautiful, and the characters are multi denominational. If I could I wish that the last episode never happened. Please watch Fargo.

Homeland:
As a long time homeland fan I could rant for five blogs worth of words about my feelings on this season. While there were things that I liked, I just cant believe what Quinn was relegated to, how stupid stupid STUPID Dar Adal and Saul were, and how the characters seemed to just jump out of character all the time. There were some high points, but it just feels like the show is spinning its wheels with characters I dont care about, and characters who are no longer themselves. I’ll still come back tho to see that Carrie lip quiver.

Narcos:
Boy oh boy did I ever binge on Narcos. I think I watched all 10 episodes in less than 20 hours. I though that I wasnt going to be a huge fan of the source material, but I was quite dragged in with the based-on-a-true-story-story. I think I was demonic because I was rooting for Pablo, like I was one of those lower class who he ended up helping.

The Affair:
I said I was not going to watch season two because I loathed season one. Guess what, I watched season 2. The addition of the new perspectives made it somewhat more interesting, and I did enjoy the character arc more seeing things from additional angles. However I still hate Noah and I cant really empathize or feel attached to any of the characters.

So what am I watching for the winter 16 season?
Modern Family, Bobs Burgers, Shameless, Mythbusters (RIP), Billions, Suits, Animals, Vinyl, Better Call Saul, Girls, and Togetherness.

Rick and Morty
Best animated show ever on television? Maybe. Top 3 for sure. I still have a fondness in my heart for things like Home Movies and Bojack. Regardless Rick makes me think like no other show truly does, which is saying a lot because *burp* it still is an animated piece. Season 2 was better than 1 in my book. Fingers crossed that this trend continues for as long as possible. I’m hooked forever. Dat cliffhanger tho.

Ray Donovan
What a silly season. Bridget’s story line confuses me. Micky somehow found a way to make me not interested in his character. Connor fucks his bed sheets. I think that this is one of the weaker seasons to date even tho we spend most of the time exploring Ray’s character. I am in this series to the finish and overall it was not a disappointment, but just not as good as I have come to expect from what is one of Sho’s staples now.

BoJack Horseman
I binged both seasons when S2 came out. Not watching season 1 was a huge mistake and I am happy that I took the recommendation to watch them all. This show is really pushing the boundaries of story telling through animated worlds. The art and the writing makes me care about these characters. It’s clever and funny. Probably my favorite thing to come out this year, and i know that because I bought a replica Dianne birthday shirt.

Mr Robot
Well isn’t this show just an internet darling. The topic alone is sure to set reddit and 4han ablaze. It did, and as such the show got a lot of exposure. It had a cool script and actually didn’t make all of the tech references completely awkward. The pilot will go down in my top 5 for best intro to a series. Unfortunately as the show dragged on I remainder interested, but it did not keep the excellent pace of the trailer. Also the twist was predictable.

Suits
The other USA show I still watch. It’s more of the same and almost a guilty comfort pick at this point. I like Harvey and Mike and I am not ashamed to admit that seeing the two banter on screen will always make me smile.

Ballers
I don’t expect much from The Rock these days. He is a draw because of his past, and I don’t respect him too much for amazing acting. That being said this roll for him is tailor made. He gets to bust balls with a smirk on his face. His character is a little one dimensional, in addition to his entire supporting cast. While the show is fun it is in no way deem and I was not heavily invested in it. Enough to see it through the season, and probably watch next, but not crazy into it.

Rectify
This short season goes back to the pace of season 1. Six episode chunk, and I am still in love with Amantha. We are focusing on Daniel and the latest crime in town, and we watch the tragedy that is his family be slowly pulled apart now that he is still a prominent member of their household. I still find the themes and story telling here surprisingly good, as the script really holds everything together making me care about these characters more than other shows.

True Detective
So I did not like Season 1 of TD. I respect all that it did, but I was simply not a fan of the time piece or the story. Couldn’t get into it and did not finish which is rare for me. I decided to give S2 a chance, and now that I finished it I am happy that I did. I have the unpopular opinion of disliking 1 and enjoying 2. Yeah Vince is still a questionable casting choice. Yeah the whole not dying because your vest stopped these shotgun blats still grinds my gears. But I enjoyed the story and all of it’s finer notes.

Grace and Frankie
Dark horse for favorite thing I watched in the fall. It made me feel happy to watch the two old ladies try and rebuild their lives. I don’t even care that Im not the core demographic, or that my mother adored the show too, I found it cute and just genuinely made me happy to watch. So fuck it, I’m a fan.

So what am I watching now?
Not much! I need to start some netflix stuff like Narcos and Master of None still. On TV it’s being kept to Homeland, Affair, Modern Family, Bobs Burgers, and Fargo.

Normally I don’t write too much personal stuff here. But really no one reads this shit unless I link to a big eSports article, so I feel relatively safe to talk about my life with a small veil of privacy still.

I like to think of myself as a hyper productive person. I am great at organizing tasks, doing them quickly and correctly, and working well with others in a team. I get my energy being with others as a pretty strong extrovert, and I am seldom overwhelmed. None of this feels true tho since school has started this year. While classes are not hard in the slightest, i have been having a serious issue sitting down and focusing on what to do. I don’t keep a consistent schedule, I am contently blowing off things like the gym. My to-do list is just growing and growing and I am feeling overwhelmed with this mountain of shit on top of me. I don’t even want to start to do it because it just seems to large.

I would find ways to start to sabotage myself. Excuses because plentiful where I would go into town for dinner or aimlessly do unimportant tasks as to push off the necessity in my head to do the more important things that were causing me this strife.

After playing fallout for over 10 hours a day for 5 days, I reached a breaking point. I cant keep doing this shit to myself, I need to get back on track and stop being a sad sack of shit. I started to talk about how I wasn’t feeling myself to some friends. One in particular responded with “You’re just dealing with what us normal people call STRESS Joey.” I don’t know if I agree with this or not. I feel stress all the time, but this beast was something else. I dare say depression, that feels exponentially too sever because of the stigma attached to that word.

Im taking measures now to get things back on track. Fingers crossed by the weekend and by slowly tackling this mountain I get things done. I know even today, removing myself from school and going home, I found excuse to not work. Shit maybe this blog post is even an excuse to avoid doing things. I think I need to target specific things like watching and betting on eSports, to clear that obnoxious amount of time up to solve these problems.

The best thing that happened while I was on this shitty bender was that I found the time to read a book that comes highly recommended to me by a few people I highly respect: So Good They Can’t Ignore You! A lot of the messages in the book rang true to me, and I feel like the guidance ir provides in terms of seeking a deep career or job is so poignant. I need to keep these mindsets of doing little projects and building career capitol. The dream job hypothesis does seem like such a fake elixir which is impossible to truly obtain. I could not recommend the book more highly for those who are in school and will be getting out soon looking to do a thing they want while making money, I am very happy I read it and will pass my copy along.

Here’s to getting back on track.