It’s been a weird last few months.

Normally I don’t write too much personal stuff here. But really no one reads this shit unless I link to a big eSports article, so I feel relatively safe to talk about my life with a small veil of privacy still.

I like to think of myself as a hyper productive person. I am great at organizing tasks, doing them quickly and correctly, and working well with others in a team. I get my energy being with others as a pretty strong extrovert, and I am seldom overwhelmed. None of this feels true tho since school has started this year. While classes are not hard in the slightest, i have been having a serious issue sitting down and focusing on what to do. I don’t keep a consistent schedule, I am contently blowing off things like the gym. My to-do list is just growing and growing and I am feeling overwhelmed with this mountain of shit on top of me. I don’t even want to start to do it because it just seems to large.

I would find ways to start to sabotage myself. Excuses because plentiful where I would go into town for dinner or aimlessly do unimportant tasks as to push off the necessity in my head to do the more important things that were causing me this strife.

After playing fallout for over 10 hours a day for 5 days, I reached a breaking point. I cant keep doing this shit to myself, I need to get back on track and stop being a sad sack of shit. I started to talk about how I wasn’t feeling myself to some friends. One in particular responded with “You’re just dealing with what us normal people call STRESS Joey.” I don’t know if I agree with this or not. I feel stress all the time, but this beast was something else. I dare say depression, that feels exponentially too sever because of the stigma attached to that word.

Im taking measures now to get things back on track. Fingers crossed by the weekend and by slowly tackling this mountain I get things done. I know even today, removing myself from school and going home, I found excuse to not work. Shit maybe this blog post is even an excuse to avoid doing things. I think I need to target specific things like watching and betting on eSports, to clear that obnoxious amount of time up to solve these problems.

The best thing that happened while I was on this shitty bender was that I found the time to read a book that comes highly recommended to me by a few people I highly respect: So Good They Can’t Ignore You! A lot of the messages in the book rang true to me, and I feel like the guidance ir provides in terms of seeking a deep career or job is so poignant. I need to keep these mindsets of doing little projects and building career capitol. The dream job hypothesis does seem like such a fake elixir which is impossible to truly obtain. I could not recommend the book more highly for those who are in school and will be getting out soon looking to do a thing they want while making money, I am very happy I read it and will pass my copy along.

Here’s to getting back on track.